Why Most Habits Fail: The Shift You Need For Better Habits That Last
Why Your Current Approach to Transformative Habits Might Be Broken
Most people who want to improve their lives start with a goal.
Make more money. Find love. Start a business. Lose weight. Stop procrastinating. Live with more peace and purpose.
And once they have a goal, they get to work:
They write affirmations
Build a morning routine
Buy a new planner
Sign up for a course
They read Atomic Habits
And maybe it works — for a while. But then something a bit predictable happens.
They miss a day.
Then a week.
Then a month.
Old patterns creep back in.
And before they know it, that goal is back in the pile of someday.
If this sounds familiar, there's a very good reason why. And the good news is it’s not your fault. You’ve been trained to think about habits all wrong. Or at least I was!
This quote from Peter Sage nails it — "You can never rise above your own opinion of yourself."
I don’t know about you, but these words cut deep to me.
And they’re the reason most surface-level transformation efforts don't stick around for long.
And our goals go back to just being dreams.
Because the real key to lasting change and transformation isn't just changing your habits or even your systems.
It's changing your identity.
Why Habits Alone Aren't Enough to Succeed
To be clear: habits matter. Systems matter. We love Atomic Habits — and so do many entrepreneurs we work with.
But even author James Clear makes this crucial distinction:
"The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become."
In other words: true transformation isn't about checking off to-do items on a list.
And it's more than just developing winning habits.
It's about becoming the kind of person who naturally does those things.
How Our Brains Sabotage New Habits
Think about it.
If deep down, you still believe you're someone who:
Always quits
Is "just not good with money"
Isn’t worthy of success
Too busy or scattered to build something meaningful
Who "just got lucky" with any wins
...then no matter how many habits you try to stack, no matter how many clever systems of accountability you create, your mind will find a way to sabotage you.
Peter Sage puts it this way: If you end up with more money, happiness, or success than you believe you deserve... your subconscious will find a way to bring you back down.
Not because you're broken.
But because your current identity doesn't match the new level you're trying to reach.
The Real World Cost of Identity Misalignment
A really classic example? Lottery winners.
Because studies show roughly 70% of lottery winners go broke within a few years.
Why? They're still operating from their former financial identity! And so their minds find a way to get them back to their comfort zone — no matter how uncomfortable that zone might actually be.
This pattern isn’t just limited to them though. It shows up everywhere:
Entrepreneurs who hit income ceilings they can't break through…
Business owners who self-sabotage right before big breakthroughs…
And all those people who achieve their goals only to find themselves back where they started.
I've experienced this myself, achieving success as a high level retail manager before backsliding to an older, worse identity I had for myself.
Seriously, I went from being a general manager for a national book chain (the defunct Borders — RIP!) to a part-time employee at Starbucks.
I wish I could tell you everyone at Starbucks saw me and said things like "You should be running this place!" but that is not at all what happened. Instead, I sank to the levels of my old habits and self-perceptions as someone unworthy of financial success.
It wasn't until I discovered mindset work — and the power of shifting my identity — that I was able to truly improve my circumstances and stop backsliding for good.
It was this mindset work, not random luck, that helped me do all the things I had to do to go from a renter to a homeowner, and from a home owner to a real estate investor. Not to mention building a multiple six-figure bookkeeping business.
Which isn't to say I don't still have some dips, but when I dip, my "rock bottom" is way higher than it used to be.
And if I ever wound up back in Starbucks… Nah. That’s just not me anymore. (Though I appreciate they give everyone health insurance!)
From Self-Doubt to Self-Mastery: What an Identity Shift Really Means
An identity shift isn't about pretending to be someone you’re not. It is not the same as "fake it till you make it."
It's about seeing yourself clearly — maybe for the first time in years. Maybe for the first time ever in some cases.
It's about becoming the kind of person who says:
✅ I follow through on what matters
✅ I deserve success and abundance
✅ I treat challenges as opportunities to grow
✅ I ‘m capable of building something meaningful
✅ I’m becoming the person I've always admired
That's not ego. That's alignment.
And the good news? This can be learned by just about everyone.
All it takes is a commitment to self-mastery and to developing a growth mindset.
No matter where you are right now, if you can commit to those things, the path is simpler than you think.
Notice I said simple — not easy.
Transformational development does take work, including radical personal responsibility, but thankfully it's some of the most rewarding and fulfilling work you’ll ever do.
Your Identity Upgrade Starts Here
Here’s a simple assessment to try.
Complete these sentences honestly:
"When it comes to money, I am someone who..."
"In business, I am someone who..."
"When facing challenges, I am someone who..."
Notice what comes up.
Are you describing who you're becoming, or who you've always been?
As James Clear reminds us:
"Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become."
Our thoughts are also votes. So think wisely. And if you’re having trouble envisioning yourself in this more positive light, that’s a great sign it’s time to get some outside help — like a mindset coach!
From the Inside Out: How Self-Mastery Creates Identity Change
At Astrius, we teach a method of transformation that doesn't rely on hype or hustle.
Instead, we work on mindset and self-mastery at the identity level.
It's the difference between:
Trying to act confident vs. becoming someone who sees themselves as capable
Forcing yourself to be productive vs. becoming someone who naturally follows through
Hoping for more abundance vs. believing you're worthy of receiving it
Waiting to have all the answers vs. trusting you'll be able to figure things out as you go
When I started my bookkeeping practice, I used to think I'd never make more than $40K a year.
That's what I believed I was worth. That was my self-image.
But once I changed how I saw myself — not just in business, but as a person — I was able to break through income ceilings and create multiple revenue streams that are fully aligned with my values.
But none of that happened until I changed my identity.
Here's what's fascinating: The external changes followed naturally. I didn't have to force new habits or push myself constantly.
When you truly shift who you think you are, the behaviors become automatic.
You Already Have the Evidence You Can Create the Results You’re Seeking
Here's something most people miss: you already have evidence that you're capable of more than you think.
Take a moment to list three things you've accomplished that once felt impossible:
Maybe it was starting a business
Learning a new skill
Overcoming a major challenge
Building a relationship
Making a difficult decision
The person who did those things? That's already you. The identity that created those results is already within you.
The work isn't about becoming someone entirely different. It's about recognizing and expanding who you already are.
Why Language Matters for Improving Identity and Habits
Notice how you talk about yourself and your achievements:
Identity-limiting language:
"I just got lucky"
"I'm not really a business person"
"I don't know what I'm doing"
"I'm terrible at [marketing/sales/money/etc.]"
Identity-expanding language:
"I figured that out"
"I'm developing my business skills"
"I'm learning as I go"
"I'm building my expertise in [area]"
Small shifts in language, but massive shifts in identity.
The Compound Effect of Identity Work On Building Habits
When you operate from an upgraded identity, everything becomes easier:
Decision-making: "What would the successful version of me do here?"
Challenges: "This is how I grow stronger"
Setbacks: "This is data, not defeat"
Opportunities: "I'm ready for this"
It's not about perfection. It's about alignment between who you are and what you're building.
Are You Ready for a Shift In How You View Yourself?
You don't need to force new habits. You need to become the person who lives them naturally.
You don't need to hustle harder. You need to align with who you're meant to be.
That's what true transformation looks like. And that's what identity work is all about.
Ready to explore your own identity shifts?
🎯 Register for our free masterclass on how to beat procrastination and self-sabotage by making the identity shifts that matter most
Or...
📞 Book a complimentary consultation to explore whether self-mastery coaching might be your next step toward the aligned, successful life you're building
You don't need to hustle harder to become your best self. You just need to stop being who you're not.
Let's make the shift — together.
What identity shift is calling to you? What would become possible if you truly saw yourself as the person you're becoming?